Austin Bible Church
Parent-Child Authority Relationship
In Ephesians 6:1, “Children” is τέκνον (teknon) and is the basic meaning of a child in relationship to their parents and does not refer to any age. Other Greek words for “children” are; βρέφος (brephos) a child that cannot walk, παῖς (pais) a pre-puberty child under discipline, and υἱός (uihos) a child as an adult.
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” (Ephesians 6:1, NASB)
No man can be a wife and no woman can be a husband although each tries the other’s role. This is addressed to children, however, everyone should know how a child should act. It is possible to be 50, 60, or 70 and still behave and think as a child.
Ephesians 6:1 teaches authority orientation. In the military, no one starts out as a general. One must be under authority before one can assume authority. If there is something that people hate instinctively it is obedience. They think somehow this is degrading. That is old sin nature thinking, because the concept of obedience is absolutely necessary for survival in the Angelic Conflict. It is not degrading to be obedient. It is not degrading to recognize authority. It is the basis for freedom.
We have a generation of parents today, 20 through 50, who grew up under a false principle. The principle that to discipline children and teach them respect for authority would destroy their personality. This was taught everywhere. We now have generations of young people who have been catered to. They have been catered to by not being spanked. They were not trained properly by their fathers who were supposed to be the spiritual head of the home. They were catered to in education, “Let little Johnny do what he wants to do.” We cater to them in our dress. You see many adults dressing like the kids to gain their acceptance.
In Ephesians 6:1, “obey” is the present active imperative of ὑπακούω (hupakouō) and means to listen, to concentrate, to be under the authority of, to keep on being obedient. This is a verb of authority. It means to be under authority and to respect and respond to that authority. You don’t have to like authority, but you must respond to it without mental attitude sins. Basic authority in life and respect for authority come from the home. When a nation has too many homes not teaching these things, you have trouble.
Each generation determines its role in life on the basis of recognition of authority in the home. When children have no respect for the authority of their parents, they reject all types of authority in life. They are misfits before they are adults. As a result, their adult life is all messed up because before 20 they have had sex, booze, drugs, you name it. This results in lack of patriotism, lack of respect for the flag, lack of respect for their heritage, and no love of country.
In Ephesians 6:1, “obey your parents” does not imply that the parents are always right. There is a greater principle of authority than rights and wrongs. Parents are not going to destroy their children through the principle of obedience. It is going to make them.
One of the great principles of obedience is that even when you know your parents are wrong, you obey anyway. For example, your parents should tell you when you sit in church, you are to keep your mouth shut. They have taught you manners.
Your parents are responsible for teaching you vocabulary. The greater the vocabular the greater the ability to think and talk. The teaching of Bible doctrine accomplishes this. Your parents are responsible for teaching you manners such as table talk, elders, women, siblings, etc. They taught you obedience in authority toward the law, teachers, parents, flag, and nation.
They taught you poise, how you carry yourself, how you should dress, and what constitutes good grooming. Your parents taught you to have authority over your body. They taught you how to study to further your education in the home along academic lines, the use of proverbs, with father/son chats, with mother/daughter chats.
Your parents taught you to be respectful of others’ property. They taught you about patriotism, sex, the body and soul, the right kind of woman for the man, the right kind of man for the woman, and husband-wife relationships. Your parents taught you self-discipline, expression of vocabulary, compassion, what is character, consideration, and generosity toward others. They taught you responsibility for property, privacy, and why you should defend your property. Your parents taught you about integrity, the value of money, survival techniques and how to live off the land, the value of competitive sports, 4H, handling of a gun, loyalty, and the rule of law.
Points on Parents
In Ephesians 6:1, “parents” is γονεύς (goneus) in the Greek and is in the dative of advantage. It is to the advantage of children to have parents and to have them living during their childhood. It is God's grace if this has happened to you. Children begin life helpless and ignorant. Even a genius is stupid at birth. The survival of children depends upon their parents for food, shelter, clothing, training, and discipline.
Parents must train children first in self-discipline, respect for authority, respect for the rights of others, respect for the privacy of others, property of others, then grooming, responsibility in getting up, and how to be clean and neat. There is no place at the table for unruly children.
Christian parents are responsible for the evangelism of their children and reflecting in their lives what they are teaching that they learned from their pastor-teacher in categorical Bible doctrine. They should relate what they were doing and thinking when they were at their children’s age. They must teach them respect for the pulpit. To criticize the pastor-teacher or to be negative toward Bible doctrine is your right. But never criticize your categorical pastor before your children. You never have that right. By doing so, you undermine his authority and the children will never respond. Some parents may reflect on what went wrong with their child. Did you run the pastor-teacher down at the dinner table?
Children should be trained about the biblical man-woman relationships from dating, romance, and in marriage. This is much more than teaching about sex. Sex is simply part of the package. Children should not get their sex training outside of the home any more than they should get their bathroom training outside of the home. We have had a whole generation of believers who have learned falsely that all sex is X-rated right from the start.
Consequently, through proper training and instruction, obedience should be no problem with children, especially when the parents are fair and just. We all know that every young person has a lot of rebel in them, of course, but your teaching in Bible doctrine and proper societal behavior should still steer them in the right direction in life.
In Ephesians 6:1, “in the Lord” means that for the children, obeying your parents is your full time Christian service when in the home. “For this is right” is the nominative singular neuter of δίκαιος (dikaios) and means this keeps on being right, fair, and just. The neuter sets it up as a principle. As long as children are under the parental roof, obedience is the status quo. They don’t have to agree with the parental policy, but they have to be submit to that policy. That is the first step. Then you begin to grow into your late teens.
Honor Your Parents
In Ephesians 6:2, “Honor” is the present active imperative of τιμάω (timaō) and means to value, to respect, to revere, to venerate. This is for when you are older. As an adult, you are more stabilized and should understand authority orientation and what obedience involves. Syntactically in the Greek of Ephesians 62 there is a break between obey and honor. You are still in your child-parent relationship as an adult, but there is a switch. A badge that your parents did a good job of raising you is the respect you have for them in adulthood and the fragrance of memories you entertain about them.
“HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER (which is the first commandment with a promise),” (Ephesians 6:2, NASB)
As children grow up, somewhere over age 20 they catch on. You are kept alive below age 20 by obedience to your parents. You are kept alive over 20 by honoring and respecting your parents. This gives you a good mental attitude in taking care of them when they are old. The obedience of children becomes the respect of adulthood tempered with love. As children, we have little or no capacity for love. As adults, we have developed a capacity for love.
In Ephesians 6:2, the father is mentioned before the mother because the father has the divinely-delegated leadership authority in the marriage and in the home. It is a privilege to grow up with your original parents. This is an indication of not being under a family curse. You get out from under a family curse by being born again. “Which is the first commandment with a promise” means it keeps on being (verb of status quo) the first commandment with promise. “Is the first” is the present active indicative of εἰμί (eimi) and means it is always the first one with promise. See category on Marriage Principles.
The Reward of Obedience and Honor to Them
In Ephesians 6:3, “it may be” is the aorist middle subjunctive of γίνομαι (ginomai) and means to become. The aorist tense refers to the generation you are in. The middle voice means that you are benefitted. The subjunctive mood means it is potential - every generation makes its own history. You become what you are through parental training. The history of the past generation does not influence the history of the present generation. We learn from history that we learn nothing from history. The only help a new generation gets is from its parents and it is never the educational system that is the big deal. It is the parental training that counts the most. The home is the training ground for the next generation’s history.
“SO THAT IT MAY BE WELL WITH YOU, AND THAT YOU MAY LIVE LONG ON THE EARTH.” (Ephesians 6:3, NASB)
The adverb εὖ (eu) means “well” and refers to a life of happiness and prosperity based on the principle of authority. Your happiness is all tied up with my happiness. If I recognize your privacy and you recognize my privacy, if I recognize your property and you recognize my property, if you recognize my rights and I recognize your rights, then we can be happy. But if none of us recognizes what the other has, then there is no happiness for anyone. Isn’t that simple? It should be.
One of the most miserable places I’ve ever seen is a fundamentalist church where everybody is nosey. Legalism is the rejection of authority. Legalism is sticking your nose into someone else’s business. Legalism is trying to run their life rather than the principle of God's grace running their life.
In Ephesians 6:3, “that you may live long on the earth” is the future middle indicative of εἰμί (eimi) and means “that you may be for a long time upon the earth.” The future tense means that you keep on living. The middle voice means that you are benefitted by your life on earth. “Live long” is μακροχρόνιος (makrochronios) and means to live a long time on the earth. This would be 70 to 80 years as referenced in Psalms 90:10.
“As for the days of our life, they contain seventy years, Or if due to strength, eighty years, Yet their pride is but labor and sorrow; For soon it is gone and we fly away.” (Psalms 90:10, NASB)
When a nation lives without authority, its suffering and discipline is intense. Judges 19-21; Rom. 1:18-32; 2 Tim. 3:1-7.
“But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these. For among them are those who enter into households and captivate weak women weighed down with sins, led on by various impulses, always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.” (2 Timothy 3:1-7, NASB)
Application of a Few of The Ten Commandments
Commandment #1 in Exodus 20:2-3 provides a protection of the nation of Israel in the Angelic Conflict.
““I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery. “You shall have no other gods before Me.” (Exodus 20:2-3, NASB)
Commandment #2 in Exodus 20:4-6 provides the same thing.
““You shall not make for yourself an idol, or any likeness of what is in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the water under the earth. “You shall not worship them or serve them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, on the third and the fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing lovingkindness to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments.” (Exodus 20:4-6, NASB)
Commandment #3 in Exodus 20:7 says to not use God to cover up your lies. For example, the statement, “I swear by God this is true” is taking the name of the Lord in vain. Hell and damn do not fall into the category of profanity, but expletives. This is a very fine but rather important distinction.
““You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain, for the LORD will not leave him unpunished who takes His name in vain.” (Exodus 20:7, NASB)
Commandment #4 in Exodus 20:8-11 means to cool your heels to commemorate the grace of God already provided and grace promised to you.
““Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. “Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a sabbath of the LORD your God; in it you shall not do any work, you or your son or your daughter, your male or your female servant or your cattle or your sojourner who stays with you. “For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea and all that is in them, and rested on the seventh day; therefore the LORD blessed the sabbath day and made it holy.” (Exodus 20:8-11, NASB)
Commandment #5 in Exodus 20:12 means that honoring your parents leads to long life and prosperity upon the generation.
““Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the LORD your God gives you.” (Exodus 20:12, NASB)
The literal translation of Exodus 20:12 is, “Hold in respect your father and your mother.” When you combine obedience in youth and honor in your older years, it lengthens your life because respect for authority and self-discipline automatically extends your life and the stability of the country.
Parent’s Misconceptions
Some parents have misconceptions that their children will have rapport with them, honor them, respect them, and have no mental attitude sins toward them. Eph. 6:1; Exodus 20.
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” (Ephesians 6:1, NASB)
Some feel that a child will be scarred for life by sexual abuse. Psalms 119:150; Psalms 25:7.
“Those who follow after wickedness draw near; They are far from Your law.” (Psalms 119:150, NASB)
“Do not remember the sins of my youth or my transgressions; According to Your lovingkindness remember me, For Your goodness' sake, O LORD.” (Psalms 25:7, NASB)
Some feel that their failures in life will be reproduced in the lives of their children. Some parents have misconceptions that their children will be more positive to Bible doctrine than they were. Some parents have misconceptions that their children are designed to bring them happiness.
Some feel that it is more difficult to raise children in a time of low morals, violence, apostacy, slavery, etc. They should know that the clearest teaching is always at the darkest times. Testing is designed by God to help you grow spiritually, not break you. An example at a national level is the nation of Israel captive in Egypt.