Austin Bible Church
Many people have the idea that marriage is outdated and that things have changed such that marriage is no longer necessary today. Many think that marriage was for people and situations in the past. They are wrong. There is nothing wrong with marriage. It’s not the fault of the divine institution of marriage when marriages fail, it’s the fault of the people involved. Marriage comes from God and is perfect. God is perfect and His plan is perfect. Therefore, because marriage is part of His plan for mankind, then marriage is perfect.
The Divine Institution of Marriage
Marriage as a divine institution has existed since the very first marriage of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. Marriage is the basis for order in the human race. Without marriage there is a breakdown of the human race and a breakdown of law and order.
Marriage is designed by God as a divine institution for both believers and unbelievers. Marriage is also the boundary for sex. All sex is to be inside the boundary of marriage. Marriage is also the most stable environment for the rearing of children.
Since Christian marriage is a divine institution, two believers are to marry or two unbelievers are to marry. Never a mix of the two. Unbelievers or those who have not personally received Christ as Savior marry and keep the freedoms within the laws of divine establishment as their focus can have a happy and fulfilling marriage. However, that marriage cannot ever be what a marriage of two believers can be.
The Christian marriage serves to illustrate the relationship of Christ and the Church, initiation and response, grace and faith. See category on Marriage, The Divine Institution.
The Right Kind of Man for the Right Kind of Woman
The pattern of marriage where God brings the right kind of woman to the man was established in Genesis 2:21-25. God built the woman for the man. Woman was built to complete the man. Man recognized the woman as fulfilling his deficiency. It is recognized that the relationship between the husband and wife is to take the preeminence over former relationships. Man and woman were brought together, the woman to the man and sex was instituted immediately. Sex was instituted before the Fall and the basic function of sex was recreation.
“So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. The LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said, "This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man." For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.” (Genesis 2:21-25, NASB)
Malachi 2:15 states that a man is not to deal faithlessly or deceitfully with his wife.
“"But not one has done so who has a remnant of the Spirit. And what did that one do while he was seeking a godly offspring? Take heed then to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth.” (Malachi 2:15, NASB)
The biblical analogies of the husband - wife relationships in marriage are; one Savior - one Body of Christ made up of all Church Age believers, one bridegroom, Jesus Christ - one bride (the Church). So there is one man and one woman in God’s design for marriage. Eph. 5:31-33.
“FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.” (Ephesians 5:31-33, NASB)
No one can find total soul or sex love apart from the husband-wife relationship in marriage. Ezekiel 16 is the example of trying. The right kind of man for the right kind of woman in marriage have bodies designed for each other. God has designed the right combination to work beautifully. Any port in a storm is out. All “cats” are grey at night is out. All of these behaviors are disasters. Jer. 31:22.
“"How long will you go here and there, O faithless daughter? For the LORD has created a new thing in the earth— A woman will encompass a man."” (Jeremiah 31:22, NASB)
In Jeremiah 31:22, “A woman” refers to the right kind of woman for the man. “Will encompass” means the woman in marriage will fit the right kind of man in marriage. This is such a marvelous relationship. This is matching of physical bodies.
Sexual relations before marriage can destroy the happiness in marriage. Sexual relations before marriage can destroy the soul and make it impossible to discern the right kind of man or right kind of woman when you find them. The woman, as a responder, is designed to respond to only her husband. This is why immoral women whether ignorant or clever never understand why they are not happy. Gen. 3:16.
"To the woman He said, "I will greatly multiply Your pain in childbirth, In pain you will bring forth children; Yet your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you."" (Genesis 3:16, NASB)
“Desire” in Genesis 3:16 is speaking of the woman’s craving for a man, but it has to be the right kind of man for her. “And he will rule” means one man. A woman must respect a man and must realize she is surrendering her soul and body to that one man in marriage, surrendering her freedom to him.
The woman can destroy her soul by seeking to respond to the wrong kind of man and vice versa. Premarital sexual relations not only give the woman and the man a horrible sense of guilt complex, but also the feeling that, “I’ve blown it,” “I’m unclean, I’ll never be pure again.” For the Christian man or woman, there is a recovery process, but it is summed up in one phrase, “crash program.” A consistent daily intake of Bible doctrine. Premarital sex also has an effect on the physical body. Prov. 6:32; Rom. 1:18; Eph. 4:19; 1 Cor. 6:16-18.
"The one who commits adultery with a woman is lacking sense; He who would destroy himself does it." (Proverbs 6:32, NASB)
"For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men who suppress the truth in unrighteousness," (Romans 1:18, NASB)
"and they, having become callous, have given themselves over to sensuality for the practice of every kind of impurity with greediness." (Ephesians 4:19, NASB)
"Or what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; just as God said, "I WILL DWELL IN THEM AND WALK AMONG THEM; AND I WILL BE THEIR GOD, AND THEY SHALL BE MY PEOPLE. "Therefore, COME OUT FROM THEIR MIDST AND BE SEPARATE," says the Lord. "AND DO NOT TOUCH WHAT IS UNCLEAN; And I will welcome you. "And I will be a father to you, And you shall be sons and daughters to Me," Says the Lord Almighty." (2 Corinthians 6:16-18, NASB)
Monogamy is the only way to go. Monogamy or one man, one woman (in contrast to polygamy, one man, many women) was ordained by God for marriage in the first marriage in the Garden. 1 Cor. 7:2-4.
"But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. " (1 Corinthians 7:2-4, NASB)
Believers are always to marry believers. 2 Cor. 6:14.
"Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?" (2 Corinthians 6:14, NASB)
Even unbelievers who are married to those that adhere to the rule of law, the divine institutions, and the laws of divine establishment can have great happiness with each other. Also, in the life of a believer with scar tissue on their soul, when they marry the right kind of spouse, they can derive great happiness from their marriage. Eccl. 9:9.
"Enjoy life with the woman whom you love all the days of your fleeting life which He has given to you under the sun; for this is your reward in life and in your toil in which you have labored under the sun." (Ecclesiastes 9:9, NASB)
Why is this point so important? If the unbeliever with the right unbelieving woman can be happy, just think of the happiness that you can enjoy as a believer when both have a complete edification complex of the soul. The edification complex of the soul based on epignosis Bible doctrine enables grace-orientation, a relaxed mental attitude, inner happiness, capacity to love, and the mastery of the details of life.
The woman is the glory of the man. She reflects his stability, his love, his strength, his protection, his edification complex of the soul. She responds to him and enjoys him immensely. He is her life and thus reflects the glory of God as well. 1 Cor. 11:7.
"For a man ought not to have his head covered, since he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man." (1 Corinthians 11:7, NASB)
The identification of the right kind of man or right kind of woman is vitally important. 1 Cor. 7:9.
"But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. " (1 Corinthians 7:9, NASB)
Marriage Affects Spiritual Growth
Spiritual growth will be affected by marriage. Often times, it will slow it down. This may because of multiple interests in either the husband or wife. Problems and conflicts can arise when each spouse has a different level of spiritual maturity when they marry.
In marriage, often the mathematical maxim is true, the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. The problems, tests, blessings, responsibilities when put together in marriage are greater than the sum of those same things treated separately by each individual. Marriage may hinder individual prayer and prayer as a couple. In marriage, each spouse might not have the same level of epignosis Bible doctrine in the right lobe of their soul, but you will have two old sin natures working together. 1 Peter 3.
Ephesians 5:1 commands us to be a genuine imitator of God. Ephesians 5:2 commands us to walk in the sphere of love in the Christian way of life with emphasis is on love from the spiritual life. The most important virtue in life is knowledge of Bible doctrine. With knowledge of doctrine you can make right decisions and be more discerning. Epignosis Bible doctrine in your soul is your basis and stability for having unconditional love for others. Your happiness is based on your spiritual life. Gratitude and thanksgiving comes from knowing that God has blessed you and that you are totally dependent on Him and His grace resources to fulfill His plan for your life. With respect to work, with virtue, honor and integrity you can do your job as unto the Lord.
“Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.” (Ephesians 5:1-2, NASB)
Ephesians 5:14-18 refers to the believer redeeming their time on this earth through the filling of the Spirit. With the filling of the Spirit, you function on God's timing, not yours. Happiness is from spiritual growth, not from being married. Therefore, your marriage can only reach a mutual inner happiness from spiritual growth and developing the capacity for life, for love and ultimately thinking more like that of Jesus Christ. 1 Cor 2:16.
“For this reason it says, "Awake, sleeper, And arise from the dead, And Christ will shine on you." Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, making the most of your time, because the days are evil. So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit,” (Ephesians 5:14-18, NASB)
“For WHO HAS KNOWN THE MIND OF THE LORD, THAT HE WILL INSTRUCT HIM? But we have the mind of Christ.” (1 Corinthians 2:16, NASB)
Our age is not more evil than others because Ephesians 5:14-18 says “the days are evil” which means the days always keep on being evil. We are commanded to keep on being filled with the Holy Spirit. The right kind of man and the right kind of woman are the man and woman who have virtue from spiritual growth.
Identification of the Right One for You
The identification of the right kind of man or right kind of woman can result from a spiritually mature person with an edification complex of the soul having “blips” on the radar screen or an adolescent believer taking it on a faith basis that he has found the right kind of woman or she has found the right kind of man. Therefore, it should never be a frantic search. 1 Cor. 7:17; 1 Cor. 7:27.
"Only, as the Lord has assigned to each one, as God has called each, in this manner let him walk. And so I direct in all the churches." (1 Corinthians 7:17, NASB)
"Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be released. Are you released from a wife? Do not seek a wife." (1 Corinthians 7:27, NASB)
The identification of the right kind of man or right kind of woman can result from the spiritually immature believer or unbeliever on a soul basis or compatibility of mentalities, volitions, conscience, self-consciousness and emotions, or their oppositeness unifies. Prov. 31:11; Prov. 31:16; Prov. 31:25; Prov. 31:28.
"The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain." (Proverbs 31:11, NASB)
"She considers a field and buys it; From her earnings she plants a vineyard." (Proverbs 31:16, NASB)
"Strength and dignity are her clothing, And she smiles at the future." (Proverbs 31:25, NASB)
"Her children rise up and bless her; Her husband also, and he praises her, saying: " (Proverbs 31:28, NASB)
The identification of the right kind of man or right kind of woman can result on a physical basis such as physical attraction for the member of the opposite sex, desire for sex with that person, and exercising the safeguards of the other person’s soul and body. When you get your right kind of man or right kind of woman, you have received grace from the Lord. The right kind of man or woman is always from the Lord. Prov. 18:22; Prov. 19:13-14.
"He who finds a wife finds a good thing And obtains favor from the LORD." (Proverbs 18:22, NASB)
"A foolish son is destruction to his father, And the contentions of a wife are a constant dripping. House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers, But a prudent wife is from the LORD." (Proverbs 19:13-14, NASB)