Austin Bible Church
Respect Your Husband
The wife is never commanded to love her husband. The wife is “encouraged” (φίλανδρος) philandros) to love her husband in response to her husband’s demonstrated leadership love. This is phileo love, rapport love, response love, soul love, based on her husband’s agapao love, his unconditional mental attitude love. Titus 2:4.
“so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children,” (Titus 2:4, NASB)
Respect is the highest form of love the woman can have for the man. Respect is an act of giving particular attention or consideration, admiration, giving high or special regard, deference, or esteem. The man receiving of such high regard occupies a special place in the soul of the woman. Eph. 5:33.
“Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33, NASB)
No woman should ever marry a man she cannot respect. Respect is mandated of the woman and is more important than her love. Without the discernment from Bible doctrine to be able to recognize a man who is worthy of such respect, most women exercise very poor judgment about men from only their emotions, sexual attraction, etc.
The woman should have a personal love for God the Father which is her motivation for love toward a man. This results in the development of the unconditional mental attitude agapao love based on the Bible doctrine in her soul. When the wife respects what she sees in her husband’s spiritual leadership, his demonstrated love for her, and what is in his soul, she responds. This makes for a very successful marriage.
The wife’s attitude toward her husband is described as respect. It is only from respect that the woman is motivated to respond. The man develops leadership characteristics as he grows spiritually. Where there is leadership in the husband, there is respect in the wife. Respect is the basis for the wife’s obedience to her husband’s leadership authority and exhibited love for her.
If the man does not gain the respect of the woman through Bible doctrine in his soul, the marriage will never work. Before the woman chooses to marry a man, she should confirm that she respects him. She should ask herself objectively and without emotion whether she can accept the authority of this man for the rest of her life.
Where the woman cannot respect the man, the marriage has little chance of survival. Even if the man exhibits leadership and demonstrates his love for the woman and she cannot respect him, then they should not marry. If they are already married, they both need to focus on spiritual growth to develop the characteristics in their souls that God intended for the marriage.
Respond to Your Husband’s Authority
This is the wife's biblical responsibility to be under the leadership authority of her husband in love. The wife may react because the man is not leading, but it is her responsibility to not react, but confess sins to God the Father using 1 John 1:9 and thus be filled with the Spirit. 1 John 1:9; Eph. 5:18.
“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9, NASB)
“And do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit,” (Ephesians 5:18, NASB)
The man was given authority over the woman in marriage. The woman being under the authority of the man in marriage was never meant to be demeaning in any way. The woman was placed under the authority of the man by God to heighten her capacity for love as a responder. The husband’s leadership authority was designed by God to encapsulate and protect the woman for her blessing, her protection, and her greatness feminine role of responder. The woman has equal privilege and equal opportunity with the man to fulfill God's plan for their lives. Gal. 3:28.
“There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” (Galatians 3:28, NASB)
Jesus Christ’s authority over the Church is analogous to the husband’s authority over his wife in marriage. The husband’s authority must be based on his leadership. His leadership must be based on his unconditional love for his wife and his personal love for her. Both categories of the husband’s love grow as the husband grows spiritually. Eph. 5:22-24.
“Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.” (Ephesians 5:22-24, NASB)
The wife must have some degree of spiritual advance to fulfill this command. The wife is commanded to “be subject” to her husband in Ephesians 5:24 based on her personal love for the Lord Jesus Christ. “Be subject to” is ὑποτάσσω (hupotassō) in the Greek and is a military term meaning to line up under rank authority. It simply recognizes the headship of the authority of the husband. The wife’s submission to her husband is actually the way that she expresses her submission to Christ. The wife cannot express submission to the Word of God while challenging her husband’s authority.
As Christ is the head of and the deliverer of the Church, the Body of Christ, so the husband is the head of the marriage union of the man and woman. As the Church responds to its head, so the wife responds to her husband. This is done without violating the wife’s volition. The man cannot destroy the wife’s volition in the process. Respond to the authority that the Lord has provided. Humility comes from obeying the Word of God and obeying authority.
The wife fulfills or completes the husband and the husband leads in love and is thereby completed. Marriage is designed by God and in order to be successful it requires the man to be thoughtful and considerate of the woman establishing his authority in love. 1 Cor. 11:7-12.
“For a man ought not to have his head covered, since he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man. For man does not originate from woman, but woman from man; for indeed man was not created for the woman's sake, but woman for the man's sake. Therefore the woman ought to have a symbol of authority on her head, because of the angels. However, in the Lord, neither is woman independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as the woman originates from the man, so also the man has his birth through the woman; and all things originate from God.” (1 Corinthians 11:7-12, NASB)
The husband is the protector and establishes his authority in love. This is the standard for husbands. Virtue and humility are necessary for a successful marriage. This is a reference to authority. Grace means you don't try harder. Get with the Word of God and love the Lord Jesus Christ and in turn love your mate.
The wife obeys her husband because of the epignosis Bible doctrine in her soul. This also means that her love for her husband is stabilized by the unconditional mental attitude agapao love she has for him based on the Bible doctrine in her soul, not necessarily his exemplary behavior.
Biblical response to the authority of some husbands can be one of the greatest tests in life for the wife. If the wife reacts to her husband, she is out of fellowship and will remain so until she confesses her known sins to God the Father and regains the filling of the Holy Spirit.
The wife who respects her husband is the highest form of love response, because it is love response in the soul. The divine mandate to the wife demands that the wife respect the husband. The subordination to the authority of her husband is the result of the respect she has for him. The wife’s orientation to her husband’s leadership authority cannot be enforced by the husband. The wife must respond from her free will from her own soul. Anything a woman gives through coercion is not worth having.
In Colossians 3:18, “be subject” is the present middle imperative of ὑποτάσσω (hupotassō) and means to submit or to render obedience. In any relationship, there must be authority. God has mandated the authority and greater responsibility to the husband in marriage. The husband has the duty to take responsibility and to protect his wife. As a leader, he should always think of his wife first and himself second. The husband cannot fulfill his responsibilities in marriage without spiritual growth. The wife’s mandate is to orient to her husband’s leadership authority.
“Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.” (Colossians 3:18, NASB)
Marriage is not a master-slave relationship. In 1 Peter 3:1-2, “be submissive” is ὑποτάσσω (hupotassō) and means to know the characteristics of, a mental attitude love, a rapport love. This is a mental attitude response to authority, to her husband as spiritual leader of the home. Her soul through Bible doctrine has an opening in every facet for the right kind of man. Dressing up the body to attract the right person is useless without the right lobe of the soul being “dressed up” in epignosis Bible doctrine. Through spiritual growth, she will obey the divine mandate to be submissive to her husband.
“In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.” (1 Peter 3:1-2, NASB)
“Behavior” is ἀναστροφή (anastrophē) and means behavior, conduct, manner of life, and way of life. This is the outward behavior that comes from her inner beauty. Through the woman’s free will in marriage, she chooses to surrender her soul and her body to one man to keep as long as they both shall live. As the Lord Jesus Christ is the protector or guardian of the soul of all believers, so the husband is the protector or guardian of his wife’s body and soul. She surrenders her soul to him. This sets up in her body a system of responses which make marriage a fantastic thing.
A right relationship and fellowship brings out the instincts of love. The wife knows instinctively what will please her husband. Being a nag, being moody, or giving him the silent treatment breaks down the marriage relationship. Instead, a wife is to have inner beauty, have a mental attitude of grace. Grace produces inner beauty. Inner beauty is a relaxed blamelessness produced by the filling of the Holy Spirit and by application of epignosis Bible doctrine from her soul. This spiritual discernment enables her to use God's grace resources to orient to the plan of God for her life.
The Woman as a Responder
The Word of God teaches that the husband should understand his wife and that the wife should understand herself as a responder. In 1 Peter 3:7, “live with” is the present active participle of συνοικέω (sunoikeō) and means to dwell with and refers to sexual intercourse or having a sexual relationship. “In an understanding way” means to know what it is all about. The man must be thinking of the woman, her design, and must have her interests in mind. The man must have self-discipline. A man that has sex to gratify himself is the lowest kind of biped.
“You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.” (1 Peter 3:7, NASB)
“Show her honor” is ἀπονέμω (aponemō) means to assign or allot from the ultimate source of oneself, to assign from yourself value to your wife. This means there is a right kind of woman for the man and a right kind of man for the woman. The rest of the men or women will not be the right fit.
The Lord fulfills the soul through Bible doctrine. The man fulfills the woman’s soul through marriage. “As with someone weaker” doesn’t mean weaker physically, intellectually or spiritually. This is a dative, singular, neuter, comparative meaning helpless, without strength in regard to man. “So that your prayers will not be hindered” is ἐγκόπτω (egkoptō) and means to interrupt, to impede, to constantly hinder. It is not God’s purpose that the prayers of married people be hindered.
The woman is called “weaker” because of her insatiable desire for her man. She has an incompleteness, an unfulfillment without him. This makes her weaker and more vulnerable because she is a responder. In the woman, positive volition toward God provides inner beauty and positive volition toward her man provides her response. The woman was designed to complete and to compliment the man. Therefore, the woman becomes the glory of the man. “As a fellow heir of the grace of life” means every blessing is doubled in marriage. And inversely, trouble is doubled. Gen. 3:16.
“To the woman He said, "I will greatly multiply Your pain in childbirth, In pain you will bring forth children; Yet your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you."” (Genesis 3:16, NASB)
She is a responder and for this reason, she can submit mentally and sexually to her husband. This submission is mental rather than sexual. Sex is an expression of this submission, but first of all there must be the mental attitude love.
The wife is to be a help to the husband. This means to be responding to her husband, not just helping. You don't marry someone just to help you, but to love. The man with virtue from Bible doctrine in his soul looks for a woman with virtue from Bible doctrine in her soul to complete him. The woman is created to be a responder - to follow in love. The Lord Jesus Christ put Adam to sleep and took one of his ribs and fashioned a woman. The woman must be attractive to the man. The woman wants control and is turned off by this. Eve was extremely beautiful to Adam, but love from spiritual advancement must be the basis of marriage. God brought the woman to the man - they had no sin. Arrogance destroyed the first marriage in history. Gen. 2:18.
“Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him."” (Genesis 2:18, NASB)
Without a mental attitude love on the part of the wife, this submission cannot exist. However, she may go through the motions outwardly, but this is not true submission, but slavery. When there is no mental attitude love, her surrender becomes slavery.
If the woman is in love with her husband, she is happy to surrender her freedom to the one she loves. When this surrender is properly carried out, her relationship with her husband is of such a nature that it brings out all the beauty and charm which can be found in a woman. True femininity surpasses all other types of beauty.
Since the first marriage of Adam and the woman in the Garden of Eden, the role of the husband and the wife were defined by the Lord Jesus Christ who created the universe. The man was given by God the authority over the woman and over the world. Since God married the Adam and Eve, this rule applies to both marriage and life in general. In the marriage relationship, biologically the woman is a responder, the man is the aggressor. The wife needs to understand the response area and respond to him at the proper time.
When the wife responds with respect to her husband’s expression of love for her, she brings great blessing to him. As a responder, the wife does not lose her freedom to choose that one man for marriage to whom she can respond, respect, admire, and obey. In her response, she obeys because she chooses to respond to his authority.
The man must never use his authority by being abusive. If he does, he destroys her volitional function resulting in her resenting him and even hating him. No woman will ever love a man who throws his weight around instead of using his leadership authority in love.
When the husband is irritable, the wife should not respond even though basically she is a responder. She should treat him in grace with an unconditional mental attitude love even though he doesn’t earn or deserve it. The wife, with a mental attitude of grace, realizes her husband is not fulfilling his responsibility of the marriage, but she carries on careful to stay in fellowship with the Lord. This attitude of grace goes far in winning the unbelieving husband to the Lord. 1 Peter 3:1; 1 Cor. 7:16.
“In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives,” (1 Peter 3:1, NASB)
“For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?” (1 Corinthians 7:16, NASB)
The inner beauty of the woman results from her spiritual life. As a responder, the woman enhances her natural beauty and charm with great inner beauty of the soul. In the woman’s response, she is free to choose to give happiness to a man in friendship, romance, or marriage.
A woman’s highest form of love is her respect for another person. When the woman has respect for a man, her love is genuine and fulfills the Word of God related to personal love in the spiritual life.
In the woman’s role as a mother, where the mother is a believer, her first responsibility is her relationship to the Lord and to stay in fellowship and to learn Bible doctrine. She is responsible to teach her children by how she talks and making the Gospel clear to them when possible and by her manner of living or her Christian way of life. Deut. 6:6-9.
““These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. “You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. “You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. “You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” (Deuteronomy 6:6-9, NASB)
The family is sanctified because she is a believer. Her family comes under the grace extended to her by blessing when she is in fellowship and protection of her by her guardian angel. At the Rapture, a child who has not reached the age of accountability or one who is not capable of making a decision, will go with the believing parent. 1 Cor. 7:14.
“For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy.” (1 Corinthians 7:14, NASB)
In extreme cases, if the husband refuses to let her teach the children the Word, the authority of the Word supersedes the authority of the husband. At the same time, she should treat him in mental attitude grace, a result of the filling of the Holy Spirit. Her submission in other areas and her mental attitude of grace in marriage, resulting from the filling of the Holy Spirit will go far in winning an unbelieving husband to the Lord.
Hindrances To Responding
Although the woman is a responder, the capacity for the woman to respond is hindered by certain things. Wives are to be subject to their husbands. Eph. 5:22.
“Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:22, NASB)
The omission of the verb here gives emphasis. Some women are never capable of responding a man’s love. They include five types. The first type is the woman who lives by a system of tantrums. This woman becomes hysterical or ill when things do not go her way. She is incapable of any response, has no capacity for love, and is the neurotic type who merely wants someone to fan her ego and is motivated by the ego lust of her old sin nature.
The second type is the woman who is jealous and envious. Jealousy and envy destroy her inner beauty of soul and her true femininity. This is a woman who is a habitual gossip and is generally a miserable, frustrated, jealous, and disorientated person.
The third type is the frustrated domineering woman. They run their poor milquetoast husbands into the ground and may even try to run the local church. The fourth type is the woman who wants to retread or remold her husband to conform to her own idealistic pattern or image, which she has established regarding husbands.
Other types of women having varying degrees of response include the woman who marries to get away from home, for money and security, because she assumes this is her last chance to get married, or because all her friends are getting married. Some women marry because they are in love with love, not with the person, just the idea of love.
Others marry and spend their lifetime trying to demonstrate their intellectual superiority because they happen to have married a man who is a little slower in thought, or maybe not as bright. Therefore, she assumes her superiority over the human race because she is married to such an individual. This woman has no capacity for love in marriage.
The answer for the woman believer to regain her ability to respond is always confession of sin to God the Father resulting in the filling of the Holy Spirit and then the daily intake and application of Bible doctrine functioning under the grace apparatus for perception. 1 John 1:9.
“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9, NASB)
The Woman’s Five Characteristics
There are five characteristics of the woman taught in the New Testament - the responsive woman, the reacting woman, the woman instructor, the vulnerable woman, and the beautiful woman.
The Responsive Woman
While all men have different personalities, their love for their wife must come from the spiritual life based on the epignosis Bible doctrine in their soul. The believer out of fellowship is the worst husband in town. Eph. 5:33.
“Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33, NASB)
Submission to legitimate authority for the man and the woman means you have learned something. This is a measure of your humility and teachability. All wisdom is associated with humility. You never learn while you are talking or not paying attention. The woman is a responder and was given the ability to respond in her soul, because in marriage she is under the authority of the man. When a woman is reacting to her husband, she is out of fellowship with the Lord and her emotions are in control. In this state, she is not thinking and she is not learning. 1 Tim. 2:11-14.
“A woman must quietly receive instruction with entire submissiveness. But I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet. For it was Adam who was first created, and then Eve. And it was not Adam who was deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression.” (1 Timothy 2:11-14, NASB)
This verse says that women can advise other women, but not in groups. Older women should counsel and teach younger women regarding how to love their husbands and their children. A woman must learn how to love a husband because she is a responder.
If a woman reacts to legitimate authority, she will not be listening. If she is reacting to the authority of the pastor-teacher teaching Bible doctrine, then she will ignore the doctrine taught and will justify deviation from that doctrine. If she persists in this condition, she is on the slippery slope of reversionism. This principle also holds true for men.
When the first woman reacted to her husband’s (Adam’s) authority and God's authority in the Garden of Eden, she began to respond to another’s conversations outside of the marriage. In this case, it was the Satan-indwelled serpent. The woman had rejected the teaching of our Lord in the Garden and had rejected her husband’s authority.
When the woman reacts, she can find herself getting into many mental attitude sins and related overt sins. Gossip is one of those sins. No matter how overtly beautiful a woman may be, she becomes ugly in her soul in continual reaction. 1 Tim. 3:11.
“Women must likewise be dignified, not malicious gossips, but temperate, faithful in all things.” (1 Timothy 3:11, NASB)
“Dignified” is σεμνός (semnos) and means honorable, noble, above reproach. It refers to the results of spiritual maturity. It refers to living the spiritual life so that her friendships, romance, and marriage will be honorable. “Temperate” is νηφάλεος (nēphaleos) and means to moderate your intake of wine and to be wise in the use of wine. When a woman drinks too much, she becomes vulnerable to the man who wants to use her. “Faithful in all things” means she has a scale of values that she lives by.
The Reacting Woman
When a woman is reacting to someone she loves, she becomes weak and is vulnerable to the advances of other men. Weak women are vulnerable to flattery from arrogant men who will take advantage of them when they are weak. 2 Tim. 3:6.
“For among them are those who enter into households and captivate weak women weighed down with sins, led on by various impulses,” (2 Timothy 3:6, NASB)
The reacting woman has stopped responding to the man she loves and is in a state of reaction to him. In 1 Timothy 5:6, “wanton” is σπαταλάω (spatalaō) and means headstrong and willful, sexually lawless and unrestrained. The reacting woman becomes socially competitive, unrestrained, provocative sexually, and vulnerable to flattery. The reacting woman can become wanton when her soul is controlled by the sin nature’s lust patterns. The result leads to fornication and adultery.
“But she who gives herself to wanton pleasure is dead even while she lives.” (1 Timothy 5:6, NASB)
“Dead while she lives” means she has destroyed her soul by continued reaction and carnality. This can lead to the type of adulterous woman described in Proverbs 5:3-5.
“For the lips of an adulteress drip honey And smoother than oil is her speech; But in the end she is bitter as wormwood, Sharp as a two-edged sword. Her feet go down to death, Her steps take hold of Sheol.” (Proverbs 5:3-5, NASB)
The reacting woman seems to be unable to do the things she would be motivated to do when she is responding and becomes idle. In 1 Timothy 5:13, “busybodies” is περίεργος (periergos) and means meddlesome, busy about trifles and neglectful of important matters, especially busy about other people’s affairs, one who pays attention to things that do not concern them or are none of their business.
“At the same time they also learn to be idle, as they go around from house to house; and not merely idle, but also gossips and busybodies, talking about things not proper to mention.” (1 Timothy 5:13, NASB)
However, the reacting woman can always recover from her self-destructive thinking and actions by confession of sin and return to fellowship with God. The recovery path is always the same regardless of the sin or past failures - the intake and application of the Word of God by being under the teaching of a doctrinal pastor-teacher in a local church. Bible doctrine in the soul results in renovated thinking. It’s all God's grace. Rom. 12:2.
“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.” (Romans 12:2, NASB)
The Woman Instructor
Spiritually mature women are able and have a mandate to teach younger women how to love her husbands and how to love their children. A woman must learn how to love her husband and her children. Titus 2:3-5.
“Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.” (Titus 2:3-5, NASB)
Only a spiritually mature woman can encourage, counsel, and teach another woman about herself and instruct her in spiritual matters applicable only to women. The spiritually mature woman is able to teach another woman how to respond to the Lord rather than react to the circumstances of life related to marriage. Younger women must be taught how and when to be thoughtful, sensitive, and to understand that other people may often have different points of view on any given subject.
The wife who is reacting to her husband is out of fellowship and not necessarily receptive to the divine wisdom from the older woman. The wife in this state does not love her husband or her children. Only a spiritually mature woman can finesse the situation and focus on encouragement and getting the younger woman to focus on the Word of God and the very important biblical role the woman plays as the responder in the marriage. The woman has to learn to love because she was created by God to be a responder.
The pastor-teacher’s primary function is to study the Word and to teach Bible doctrine to his assembled congregation in the local church. His function is not to council anyone privately. The Holy Spirit provides the wise counsel through the teaching of Bible doctrine to believers in the congregation rather than teaching or counseling one-on-one.
There is no substitute for the believer’s objective self-evaluation based on the Bible doctrine in their soul. A believer’s ability to handle the problems they encounter in life comes directly from their application of Bible doctrine to the situation through the filling of the Holy Spirit. Bible doctrine in their soul and the filling of the Holy Spirit enables them to recognize the true problem and then to decide to apply Bible doctrine to the problem instead of from human viewpoint.
The Vulnerable Woman
The vulnerable woman is a woman who is reacting in her relationship to her husband or the man she loves in friendship or romance. She is out of fellowship and operating under control of her sin nature. In her state of carnality, the reacting woman may go looking for another man to whom she can respond. She becomes vulnerable to flattery, jealousy, and bitterness. She can be manipulated because of her altered thinking while out of fellowship.
She may have reacted emotionally and become negative to Bible doctrine. Prolonged carnality leads to reversionism. Down that path, she may become involved in anything. 2 Tim. 3:4.
“But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God,” (2 Timothy 3:1-4, NASB)
The solution to all of our failures and bad decisions in life is confession of our known sins to God the Father resulting in filling of the Holy Spirit, the consistent intake and application of Bible doctrine, and resultant spiritual growth. God's grace and the filling of the Holy Spirit provide the means to correct the past, advance in the spiritual life, and to fulfill the plan of God for your life.
The Beautiful Woman
Not all women would be considered outwardly beautiful. However, women who have accepted Jesus Christ as their Savior can develop an inner beauty of the soul. The inner beauty of the soul is developed by the consistent intake and application of Bible doctrine and thereby growing spiritually. The spiritually maturing female believer develops a long-term inner beauty of the soul. Such a woman becomes more beautiful with spiritual maturity while her body ages. There is nothing more beautiful than the spiritually mature woman with inner beauty.
Women who are considered by many to be physically beautiful often become arrogant about their outward beauty. They desire continual reaffirmation of their outward beauty while ignoring the condition of their soul. Such women depend on their beauty to gain the attention of men and even the less than approving looks from other women less endowed with outward beauty. These women live for flattery and attention from others. They have no values beyond themselves. Such behavior is self-destructive.
A spiritually discerning man will never be attracted to a woman with a shallow soul. He is looking beyond the outward beauty to her soul’s condition. What is in her soul? Divine wisdom from epignosis Bible doctrine? Only arrogance and desire for attention from anyone?
Many beautiful women become arrogant and develop behaviors and ways of speaking to cover their ugly soul. It is important for a woman to look into the mirror of the Word of God and see what is really in her soul. When a woman looks into a mirror and sees her great beauty, this can distract her from developing an inner beauty of the soul.
Any woman can develop her inner beauty. In 1 Timothy 2:9-10, “discreetly” is σωφροσύνη (sōphrosunē) and means rational without illusion, reasonable, proper or virtuous conduct, decency, chastity. It refers to the function and coordination of the various parts of the soul. This includes tremendous knowledge and humility. This is the inner beauty of the woman’s soul from living and growing in the spiritual life.
“Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments, but rather by means of good works, as is proper for women making a claim to godliness.” (1 Timothy 2:9-10, NASB)
The born again woman can have an inner beauty of the soul that more than compensates for any defects in her physical beauty. While there is nothing wrong or sinful about wearing braided hair, gold, pearls, or expensive clothing, these things are of lower importance when compared to the inner beauty of the soul. Being physically beautiful and dressing well has never been mandated as part of the spiritual life.
Female believers are mandated to make themselves beautiful regardless of their external looks. This divine command cannot be fulfilled through emphasis on the exterior. Growing spiritually is the only means to fulfill the development of the inner beauty of the soul mandated by God for all believers. 2 Peter 3:18.
“but grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory, both now and to the day of eternity. Amen.” (2 Peter 3:18, NASB)
The Woman’s Vulnerability
God invented marriage when he married Adam and the woman. Marriage became the first divine institution in human history that involved more than one person. Marriage stabilizes a society. From the spiritual stability of the husband and wife comes stability in the society.
Because the marriage relationship exists between two people, God also mandated a system of authority in marriage where the man was given the authority over the woman. This is leadership authority based on the husband’s love for his wife. The wife responds to this love. 1 Tim. 2:11-12.
“A woman must quietly receive instruction with entire submissiveness. But I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet.” (1 Timothy 2:11-12, NASB)
Women are responders and are mandated to learn through listening. We all must learn by not talking, but quietly listening. This is humility and teachability. The quiet teachable woman has Bible doctrine in her soul and applies that doctrine to respond to yet more teaching. The woman’s soul must find something to which to respond. The responses come from learning. When a woman reacts, she is not listening to what is being said, but rather is thinking of what she intends to say.
In 1 Timothy 2:14, the woman had reacted to her husband’s authority and rejected his authority. She was in a vulnerable state and wanted to learn something new and different. Satan provided that new and different information as he deceived her.
“And it was not Adam who was deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression.” (1 Timothy 2:14, NASB)
When a woman stops responding to the man she loves, she begins reacting to him. In reaction mode, she is out of fellowship and operating under her old sin nature’s control. Reaction destroys the spiritual norms and standards in her soul and makes her vulnerable to reversionism or moving backward in her spiritual life. Only her return to fellowship through confession of sins to God the Father can she begin the renovation of her thinking through the intake and application of Bible doctrine.
The Active and Passive Woman and Man
The first combination is the active woman and a passive man who make a bad combination in Proverbs 7. Other examples include Adam and Eve in Genesis 3, Abraham and Sarah in Genesis 16, and Ahab and Jezebel in 1 Kings 19.
“And behold, a woman comes to meet him, Dressed as a harlot and cunning of heart. She is boisterous and rebellious, Her feet do not remain at home;” (Proverbs 7:10-11, NASB)
“For at the window of my house I looked out through my lattice, And I saw among the naive, And discerned among the youths A young man lacking sense,” (Proverbs 7:6-7, NASB)
“Do not let your heart turn aside to her ways, Do not stray into her paths. For many are the victims she has cast down, And numerous are all her slain. Her house is the way to Sheol, Descending to the chambers of death.” (Proverbs 7:25-27, NASB)
“When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable to make one wise, she took from its fruit and ate; and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate.” (Genesis 3:6, NASB)
“So Sarai said to Abram, "Now behold, the LORD has prevented me from bearing children. Please go in to my maid; perhaps I will obtain children through her." And Abram listened to the voice of Sarai. After Abram had lived ten years in the land of Canaan, Abram's wife Sarai took Hagar the Egyptian, her maid, and gave her to her husband Abram as his wife. He went in to Hagar, and she conceived; and when she saw that she had conceived, her mistress was despised in her sight.” (Genesis 16:2-4, NASB)
“Now Ahab told Jezebel all that Elijah had done, and how he had killed all the prophets with the sword. Then Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah, saying, "So may the gods do to me and even more, if I do not make your life as the life of one of them by tomorrow about this time." And he was afraid and arose and ran for his life and came to Beersheba, which belongs to Judah, and left his servant there.” (1 Kings 19:1-3, NASB)
The second combination is the active woman and an active man. Examples include Potiphar’s wife and Joseph in Genesis 39:6-7, Solomon and Shulammite Woman in Song of Solomon, David and Bathsheba in 1 Samuel 11 and 1 Kings 1, Aquila and Priscilla in Romans 16:3, and Zacharias and Elizabeth in Luke 1.
“So he left everything he owned in Joseph's charge; and with him there he did not concern himself with anything except the food which he ate. Now Joseph was handsome in form and appearance. It came about after these events that his master's wife looked with desire at Joseph, and she said, "Lie with me."” (Genesis 39:6-7, NASB)
“Greet Prisca and Aquila, my fellow workers in Christ Jesus,” (Romans 16:3, NASB)
“In the days of Herod, king of Judea, there was a priest named Zacharias, of the division of Abijah; and he had a wife from the daughters of Aaron, and her name was Elizabeth.” (Luke 1:5, NASB)
“But the angel said to him, "Do not be afraid, Zacharias, for your petition has been heard, and your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you will give him the name John.” (Luke 1:13, NASB)
“The angel answered and said to her, "The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; and for that reason the holy Child shall be called the Son of God.” (Luke 1:35, NASB)
The third combination is the passive woman and an active man. The example is Job and his wife in Job 1 and Job 2.
“He said, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, And naked I shall return there. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD." Through all this Job did not sin nor did he blame God.” (Job 1:21-22, NASB)
“Then Satan went out from the presence of the LORD and smote Job with sore boils from the sole of his foot to the crown of his head. And he took a potsherd to scrape himself while he was sitting among the ashes. Then his wife said to him, "Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die!" But he said to her, "You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?" In all this Job did not sin with his lips.” (Job 2:7-10, NASB)
The fourth combination is the passive woman, passive man. The ideal balance is found in Proverbs 31. See the category on Adam’s Rib.
“An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain.” (Proverbs 31:10-11, NASB)
The man is designed to be an initiator and the woman is designed to be a responder. However, the man can reverse roles and become a responder and the woman can become an initiator. In a time of apostacy, the woman is always predominately the aggressor and the man the responder. 1 Peter 3:1.
“In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives,” (1 Peter 3:1, NASB)
A rebellious woman is always frustrated, never happy, is very critical of men in general, and dislikes dogmatic teaching. The daily face to face teaching of Bible doctrine always motivates the man toward initiation and the woman towards response.
The woman may be aggressive in her obedience as in 1 Peter 3:1-6 where she is beautiful in soul and beautiful in body. The proper balance comes through the daily function of the grace apparatus for perception and the growth to spiritual maturity.
“In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.” (1 Peter 3:1-6, NASB)
The Weak Man and Weak Woman in Marriage
The Weak Man
God invented the divine institution of marriage so that the woman would respect her husband and that the woman would respond to his demonstrated love for her. The weak man has no grace orientation in his life. The weak man feels threatened by Bible doctrine and rejects it.
The weak man, in his arrogance, depends on flattery and praise from others and seeks the interest and admiration from women. Prior to marriage, the weak man is arrogant and pursues the woman until she has no privacy left, so she reacts and rejects him. The weak man is unfaithful before and during marriage. He is always thinking about himself. The weak husband bullies his wife, stifles her volition, and abuses his divinely-authorized authority in marriage. He also bullies his children which produces fear and resentment in them.
The Weak Woman
The weak woman is arrogant and out of fellowship. She is preoccupied with her unrealistic expectations of her husband and when fault is discovered, she turns on him. The weak woman rejects her role as responder to her husband and rejects his authority in the marriage. The weak woman is negative to Bible doctrine and does not adhere to God’s mandates in marriage.
The weak woman invades the privacy of others. She is always trying to change others to conform to her expectations and standards. She is legalistic in her thinking and behavior. She never tries to change herself because she feels she already adheres to her high expectations and standards. She sees no reason for self-improvement or changing herself in any way.
In unconditional mental attitude agapao love plus personal rapport phileo love, the strong woman responds to her husband in obedience and functions in enforced and genuine humility, and objectivity based on the epignosis Bible doctrine in her soul.
To Respond or To React
Personal love for God provides the motivation for the woman’s love in friendship, romance, and marriage. Unconditional mental attitude love for all mankind provides the woman’s capacity for love. With this capacity for love, she may develop respect and admiration for a man. This capacity is a soul capacity based on the Bible doctrine in her soul. If the woman does not make learning Bible doctrine from a pastor-teacher her top priority in her life, she will never develop this soul capacity for true love.
The woman is more emotional than the man, but emotion is not love. Love is expressed by thinking based on the Bible doctrine in the soul. Getting married based on emotion is a big mistake when it is confused with true love. Such marriages have little chance of success because they have not taken the time to develop their love and understanding of each other from the attraction phase into the compatibility phase based on Bible doctrine in their souls.
A woman must be free in her soul to love a man. A woman can only respond through respect from the Bible doctrine in the right lobe of her soul before she can have true love for a man. The woman can only respond to her man when he expresses and demonstrates his love. The husband is mandated to love his wife as Christ loved the Church.
Women develop real problems when their personal love is based on wrong priorities and values. A woman is no better in love than her values. Some women are incapable of having true love because of their messed up priorities and values. The correct priorities and values are obtained only one way - learning the Word of God. Spiritual growth will develop and renovate wrong values and correct priorities. If the consistent intake of Bible doctrine is made her top priority in life, then the filling of the Holy Spirit will result in renovation of her thinking just as it does for the man.
The woman is at her feminine best with all of the glory and majesty of her inner beauty, when she is able to respond. If she does not have something to which to respond, she is going to react in one of two ways unless she is filled with the Holy Spirit and growing in Bible doctrine via the grace apparatus for perception. She may become bitter and frustrated and nag her husband. She may practice some form of escapism, such as bucking for an office in a woman’s club, drinking, gambling etc.
People are given the instinct to love, but their old sin nature distorts that instinct and perverts it. Love is a tremendous source of strength in the adversities and difficulties of life. It is practical as well as idealistic. When two people know the real meaning of love, they do not pick each other to pieces in front of others. They do not sulk and seek to hurt each other and become competitive. The interrelationship between husband and wife must be one of cooperation rather than one of competition.
In a normal marriage, no wife really wants to dominate her husband. She prefers to be married to a husband whom she can respect, who is mature and assumes the necessary leadership responsibilities of family life and who is considerate of her opinions whenever facing a decision. The man is the head of the home. This does not mean that the wife has no rights. She has her rightful place in the home and it should be a place of honor, not a place of degradation.
Jesus Christ is the Savior of the Body of Christ (the Church) and the husband is the protector and guardian of the woman’s body, both physically and mentally. A woman’s health and attitudes depend upon how she responds to her husband. The man is also the guardian of the woman’s soul. The woman who has something to which to respond can makes a career of loving such a man. Such a man who is loved by such a woman is thrice blessed. Prov. 18:22.
“He who finds a wife finds a good thing And obtains favor from the LORD.” (Proverbs 18:22, NASB)