Austin Bible Church
Friendship love or rapport love is a love based on the filling of the Holy Spirit and Bible doctrine in the right lobe of the soul, which provides a larger capacity for love. Friendship love is based on the highest type of soul nobility and reaches its fullest expression between two mature believers. This is the capacity that many people will never have. Rapport love is also known as friendship love, brotherly love, or love for other believers (philos in the Greek). Heb. 13:1-2.
“Let love of the brethren continue. Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it.” (Hebrews 13:1-2, NASB)
Friendship love can be between two men, two women or a man and a woman. Friendship love can surpass the sexual love (eros) between husband and wife, if they are maturing believers. 2 Sam. 1:26.
“"I am distressed for you, my brother Jonathan; You have been very pleasant to me. Your love to me was more wonderful Than the love of women.” (2 Samuel 1:26, NASB)
Friendship love is based on capacity of soul, not capacity of body. Friendship love gives you the norms and standards for love between a man and woman both before marriage and during. Therefore, no touching or sex is involved in friendship love.
Rapport love characteristics include; affections of grace compassion, gracious disposition leading to generosity, kindness, gracious mental attitude, no vain illusions concerning self, meekness, humility, courtesy, gentleness, being considerate, relaxed mental attitude, patience under pressure, endurance, and mastery of the details of life. Col. 3:12-13.
“So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.” (Colossians 3:12-13, NASB)
Friendship Love versus Unconditional Love
We are commanded to have a relaxed mental attitude toward all believers. This is the absence of all mental attitude sins toward all believers. However, the three categories of love, toward God (agape), toward wife or husband (eros), toward friends (philos), need to be on a higher basis.
Agape love is unconditional love and is only produced by the filling of the Spirit. It is strictly a mental attitude. It is not falling all over someone or speaking to people you can’t stand. You cannot have phileo love for all others as you can with unconditional (agape) love. A guilt complex may result from not being able to have rapport love for someone who is obnoxious. Although we are commanded to have agape or unconditional love for everyone, we are commanded to love them from afar. Rom. 16:17-18.
“Now I urge you, brethren, keep your eye on those who cause dissensions and hindrances contrary to the teaching which you learned, and turn away from them. For such men are slaves, not of our Lord Christ but of their own appetites; and by their smooth and flattering speech they deceive the hearts of the unsuspecting.” (Romans 16:17-18, NASB)
In Hebrews 13:1-2, “Let love of the brethren continue” is the present active imperative of φιλαδελφία (philadelphia) and means fraternal love, brotherly love. Keep on learning Bible doctrine daily, for this is your capacity for love. So to fulfill this verse, we need a maximum knowledge of Bible doctrine and freedom from the scar tissue of the soul.
“Let love of the brethren continue. Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it.” (Hebrews 13:1-2, NASB)
Having love for the ones you love up close is philos or rapport love. This comes through a maximum knowledge of Bible doctrine. Confessing sin biblically puts you into fellowship. The filling of the Holy Spirit and learning Bible doctrine produces agape love. But spiritual maturity with maximum Bible doctrine in the soul also produces rapport or philos love.
It’s interesting that when people do not have a proper unconditional love toward each other, they often decide to love an animal. An animal doesn’t have a soul. It loves by its instincts.
Scar tissue increases in the soul of the unbeliever every time there is negative volition, indifference, or rejection of the Gospel. Scar tissue is developed for the believer and unbeliever alike by promiscuity, mental attitude sins, drugs and drunkenness. But at the point of salvation, all scar tissue is removed from the soul. Isaiah 44:22; Isaiah 43:25.
““I have wiped out your transgressions like a thick cloud And your sins like a heavy mist. Return to Me, for I have redeemed you.”“ (Isaiah 44:22, NASB)
““I, even I, am the one who wipes out your transgressions for My own sake, And I will not remember your sins.” (Isaiah 43:25, NASB)
Sin and any transgression are removed at salvation. The scar tissue that has built up in the soul of the unbeliever is removed. If a believer goes negative to Bible doctrine, they develop scar tissue while out of fellowship. How? From promiscuity, operation of lust patterns in life, and mental attitude sins. Confession of sin provides the filling of the Spirit, but does not remove scar tissue. However, you have to be filled with the Spirit to learn doctrine, so in that sense it does result in removing scar tissue over time. Scare tissue in the soul can be prevented by avoiding mental attitude sins and isolating the sins you do commit. Heb. 12:15.
“See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled;” (Hebrews 12:15, NASB)
The mental attitude sins which develop scar tissue are pride, jealousy, bitterness, hatred, vindictiveness, implacability, and guilt complex. This makes it very easy to perpetuate scar tissue. Pseudo love exists or coexists with mental attitude sins because mental attitude sins put scar tissue on the soul and destroy the capacity to love people. Pseudo lovers are the most miserable people in the world. They want you to love them, adore them, and respect them. They demand this and it feeds their human approbation lust.
This passage demands removal of mental attitude sins from the life and increased capacity for love in rapport love. In other words the passage is saying, “Let brotherly love continue” or “Have a relaxed mental attitude toward people.”
Friendship love can be completely destroyed by jealousy as in the case of Saul, or David’s three older brothers. When God promotes another believer, keep your eyes on the Lord. Your promotion will come in due time. There is no competition in God’s plan for your life. 1 Sam. 18:8-9.
“Then Saul became very angry, for this saying displeased him; and he said, "They have ascribed to David ten thousands, but to me they have ascribed thousands. Now what more can he have but the kingdom?" Saul looked at David with suspicion from that day on.” (1 Samuel 18:8-9, NASB)
Rapport love is instantly perverted when the mature believer goes negative to Bible doctrine. Examples include Demas in 2 Timothy 4:10 and Alexander the coppersmith in 2 Timothy 4:14-15.
“for Demas, having loved this present world, has deserted me and gone to Thessalonica; Crescens has gone to Galatia, Titus to Dalmatia.” (2 Timothy 4:10, NASB)
“Alexander the coppersmith did me much harm; the Lord will repay him according to his deeds. Be on guard against him yourself, for he vigorously opposed our teaching.” (2 Timothy 4:14-15, NASB)
An Example of Rapport or Friendship Love
The friendship or rapport love between David and Jonathan is a very good example. Friendship love is trustworthy and rare. Jonathan was a synonym for capacity for friendship. Rapport friendship makes other friendships look so inferior! Jonathan was the crown prince according the human viewpoint, but David was crown prince according to divine viewpoint. And yet that made no difference to Jonathan. He had nobility. 1 Sam. 18; 1 Sam. 19.
Rapport love existed between David and Jonathan who had a beautiful, enduring friendship relationship. 2 Sam. 1:26; 1 Sam. 18:1; 1 Sam. 18:3-4.
“"I am distressed for you, my brother Jonathan; You have been very pleasant to me. Your love to me was more wonderful Than the love of women.” (2 Samuel 1:26, NASB)
“Now it came about when he had finished speaking to Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as himself.” (1 Samuel 18:1, NASB)
“Then Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself. Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David, with his armor, including his sword and his bow and his belt.” (1 Samuel 18:3-4, NASB)
It was very hard for a relationship to exist between David and Jonathan under the prosperity that David enjoyed. Jonathan was a relaxed, noble person. He had achieved a mature grace mental attitude. 1 Sam. 19:2.
“So Jonathan told David saying, "Saul my father is seeking to put you to death. Now therefore, please be on guard in the morning, and stay in a secret place and hide yourself.” (1 Samuel 19:2, NASB)
Rapport love is based on the highest type of nobility and freedom from mental attitude sins such as jealousy. Rapport love is based on the capacities of the two individuals involved. This capacity comes from Bible doctrine in the soul. This capacity does not depend upon touching or sex. This is a soul relationship, not a body relationship. This rapport is never a group, just two individuals. This rapport is never understood by less than a mature believer.
Don’t turn friendship into intrusiveness. Respect and understand the privacy, beliefs, and social capacity of others. You cannot have the friendship love of another if you destroy their free will. Since you are a believer, there can be no true friendship without occupation with Christ. Prov. 25:17.
“Let your foot rarely be in your neighbor’s house, Or he will become weary of you and hate you.” (Proverbs 25:17, NASB)
The capacity for friendship love comes from application of epignosis doctrine from the right lobe of the soul. This capacity to love (phileo) is the true basis of friendship. There must be a sensitivity to another friend so that you do not overstay your visit, or be a burden, or cause misery.
Application of Brotherly Love
Do not neglect hospitality. Strangers are believers whom you do not know. This goes back to Abraham and Sarah. They entertained the Lord Jesus Christ and two angels. Why angels? This is not because of the Angelic Conflict, but because entertainment of angels was good luck. It became a symbol of good luck in the ancient world. It goes back to Lot in Sodom entertaining angels and he survived because of it. You are not entertaining to gain merit or entertaining people to gain status or brownie points. Heb. 13:2.
“Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it.” (Hebrews 13:2, NASB)
The function of the believer priest is to keep on praying for imprisoned believers. They are benefitted by this prayer. Identify with them. Pray as if you were in prison with them. Intercessory prayer reverses the situation. Put yourself in their shoes. Heb. 13:3.
“Remember the prisoners, as though in prison with them, and those who are ill-treated, since you yourselves also are in the body.” (Hebrews 13:3, NASB)