Child Training

Parental Discipline for the Young

The 0-12 years are informational years. The 13-19 years are applicational years.

The 0-12 years are divided into two stages: the pre-age of accountability and post-age of accountability. Matt. 18:2-5; 2 Tim. 3:15;1 John 2:12-14.

“And He called a child to Himself and set him before them, and said, “Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. “Whoever then humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. “And whoever receives one such child in My name receives Me;” (Matthew 18:2-5, NASB)

“I am writing to you, little children, because your sins have been forgiven you for His name’s sake. I “and that from childhood you have known the sacred writings which are able to give you the wisdom that leads to salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.” (2 Timothy 3:15, NASB)

am writing to you, fathers, because you know Him who has been from the beginning. I am writing to you, young men, because you have overcome the evil one. I have written to you, children, because you know the Father. I have written to you, fathers, because you know Him who has been from the beginning. I have written to you, young men, because you are strong, and the word of God abides in you, and you have overcome the evil one.” (1 John 2:12-14, NASB)

If training is lacking in these years, the harsh rod of Proverbs 23:13-16 will be needed in the teenage years.

“Do not hold back discipline from the child, Although you strike him with the rod, he will not die. You shall strike him with the rod And rescue his soul from Sheol. My son, if your heart is wise, My own heart also will be glad; And my inmost being will rejoice When your lips speak what is right.” (Proverbs 23:13-16, NASB)

Nothing can replace parental maturity, stability and consistency. 2 Tim. 1:5; 2 Tim. 1:13-14.

“For I am mindful of the sincere faith within you, which first dwelt in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice, and I am sure that it is in you as well.” (2 Timothy 1:5, NASB)

“Retain the standard of sound words which you have heard from me, in the faith and love which are in Christ Jesus. Guard, through the Holy Spirit who dwells in us, the treasure which has been entrusted to you.” (2 Timothy 1:13-14, NASB)

When a husband is lacking, God often supplies the wisdom of a noninterfering grandmother. Timothy was raised without the benefit of a father’s instruction, however the doctrinal rod took up the slack. As a general principle, spanking with the hand is applicable up through the babe stage, with the rod from teenage stage on.

For children before they reach puberty, the father should discipline the sons and daughters. The mother should discipline the sons and the daughters in the father’s absence.

Discipline in the child 0-12 years old involves visual, verbal, touching, confining, and limitations. Visual discipline may be the disapproving look or facial expression. Verbal discipline involves verbal chastisement and warnings of more intense discipline. Touching discipline can involve a slap of the hands or bottom, but never the face. Confining discipline may involve making them sit or stand in one place for a time. Limitation discipline may involve restrictions of certain activities that the child likes.

The parent should tailor the punishment to the child’s personality and to the seriousness of the infraction. Emphasize what they did wrong and emphasize that they take responsibility for their actions, not allowing them to just say, “I’m sorry.” Letting them off this way will teach them that faking regret is all that is needed to avoid discipline. You don’t want an emotional reaction.

Rearing the child is based on volitional responses. You need to keep them on positive signals. 1 Peter 2:2-3.

“like newborn babies, long for the pure milk of the word, so that by it you may grow in respect to salvation, if you have tasted the kindness of the Lord.” (1 Peter 2:2-3, NASB)

The preparation of a child is to give him a solid structure to guard against the sins that result in buildup to scar tissue in the soul such as mental attitude sins and overt sins such as adultery, drunkenness, and drugs. Rearing children should be no big deal for spiritually mature parents. Prov. 20:20; Prov. 20:29; Prov. 20:1.

“He who curses his father or his mother, His lamp will go out in time of darkness.” (Proverbs 20:20, NASB)

“The glory of young men is their strength, And the honor of old men is their gray hair.” (Proverbs 20:29, NASB)

“Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler, And whoever is intoxicated by it is not wise.” (Proverbs 20:1, NASB)

Child Raising in Marriage

In the spiritual life, the grace of God does all the work. Man receives that gracious work and God gets the glory and credit. God makes it possible for a believer to be become more like His Son through salvation belief in the work of Jesus Christ on the Cross, growing in grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ via the filling of the Holy Spirit and the grace apparatus for perception. This is all God’s grace.

The believer’s greatest occupational hazard is not using the grace of God. When the grace of God is spurned, scar tissue builds up in the soul from false teaching. Without Bible doctrine in the soul, a vacuum pulls in false teaching called the “futility of their mind” in Ephesians 4:17. This is negative volition toward Bible doctrine.

“So this I say, and affirm together with the Lord, that you walk no longer just as the Gentiles also walk, in the futility of their mind,” (Ephesians 4:17, NASB)

The greatest virtue in the Christian life is knowledge of Bible doctrine. The greatest tragedy in the Christian life is ignorance of Bible doctrine. Into this vacuum is poured false doctrine, religion, human good systems, mental attitude sins with self-induced misery, and the emphasis on the details of life. This results in doctrinal blackout as described in Ephesians 4:18-19 as “being darkened in their understanding” toward God, their spouse, friends, details of life, and parents.

“being darkened in their understanding, excluded from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the hardness of their heart; and they, having become callous, have given themselves over to sensuality for the practice of every kind of impurity with greediness.” (Ephesians 4:18-19, NASB)

“Having become callous” is scar tissue in the soul. Ignorance of Bible doctrine alienates from the life of God. Such alienation leads to friction in the soul from thought patterns of mental attitude sins and overt behavior pattern. These conflicts or friction in the soul produce scar tissue in the soul. Scar tissue destroys capacity for love and destroys inner happiness. Scar tissue alienates the believer from the Christian life in that it destroys true love for others in all categories - God, spouse, friends, details, and parents. Scar tissue can only be removed by reversing the process that created it. 2 Tim. 1:13-14.

Learning Bible doctrine and keeping in the Word will gradually buildup epignosis Bible doctrine in the right lobe of the soul. This replaces the scar tissue. “Faith and love” refers to using faith-rest by claiming the promises of God and staying in fellowship by consistent confession of known sins to God the Father via 1 John 1:9.

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9, NASB)

Corporeal Punishment

Use of the word “rod” in Proverbs 13:24 is שׁבט (shêbeṭ) and means a stick, a branch. Prov. 10:13; Prov. 10:1; Prov. 13:1; Prov. 14:9; Prov. 15:10; Prov. 15:20; Prov. 17:6; Prov. 20:20; Prov. 20:27; Prov. 20:30; Prov. 30:11-17.

"He who withholds his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently." (Proverbs 13:24, NASB)

"On the lips of the discerning, wisdom is found, But a rod is for the back of him who lacks understanding." (Proverbs 10:13, NASB)

"The proverbs of Solomon. A wise son makes a father glad, But a foolish son is a grief to his mother." (Proverbs 10:1, NASB)

In Proverbs 14:3, a different Hebrew word חטר (chôṭêr) is used for “rod” and means rod, twig.

"In the mouth of the foolish is a rod for his back, But the lips of the wise will protect them." (Proverbs 14:3, NASB)

Proverbs 22:8 indicates the use of the rod in the wrong way. There is a right way and a wrong way to use the rod.

"He who sows iniquity will reap vanity, And the rod of his fury will perish." (Proverbs 22:8, NASB)

Proverbs 22:15 shows that the father has a responsibility!

"Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him." (Proverbs 22:15, NASB)

Proverbs 23:13-14 and Proverbs 29:15 indicate the value of corporeal punishment.

"Do not hold back discipline from the child, Although you strike him with the rod, he will not die. You shall strike him with the rod And rescue his soul from Sheol." (Proverbs 23:13-14, NASB)

"The rod and reproof give wisdom, But a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother." (Proverbs 29:15, NASB)

Proverbs 26:3 shows the principle of guidance in corporeal punishment.

"A whip is for the horse, a bridle for the donkey, And a rod for the back of fools." (Proverbs 26:3, NASB)

Training the Teenager

Proverbs deals exclusively with the Christian life and is written for people with a short concentration span. Who is that? Teenagers! Proverbs is written in two line poetry called distiches. This is David teaching his teenage son Solomon and also Solomon teaching Rehoboam.

There are four main themes in Proverbs: The stress of making the intake and application of Bible doctrine your number one priority, the three categories of sins, the details of life, and divine good versus human good.

There is stress when the believer makes Bible doctrine the number one priority in their life. Wisdom is application of Bible doctrine to experience. Knowledge is the facts of the Word. A fool in Proverbs is the believer with no Bible doctrine - a vacuum in their soul. Prov. 4:1-8.

"Hear, O sons, the instruction of a father, And give attention that you may gain understanding, For I give you sound teaching; Do not abandon my instruction. When I was a son to my father, Tender and the only son in the sight of my mother, Then he taught me and said to me, "Let your heart hold fast my words; Keep my commandments and live; Acquire wisdom! Acquire understanding! Do not forget nor turn away from the words of my mouth. "Do not forsake her, and she will guard you; Love her, and she will watch over you. "The beginning of wisdom is: Acquire wisdom; And with all your acquiring, get understanding. "Prize her, and she will exalt you; She will honor you if you embrace her." (Proverbs 4:1-8, NASB)

Proverbs deals with the three categories of sins: mental attitude sins, sins of the tongue, and overt acts of sin. Prov. 6:16-19.

"There are six things which the LORD hates, Yes, seven which are an abomination to Him: Haughty eyes, a lying tongue, And hands that shed innocent blood, A heart that devises wicked plans, Feet that run rapidly to evil, A false witness who utters lies, And one who spreads strife among brothers." (Proverbs 6:16-19, NASB)

Proverbs deals with the details of life such as money, friends, social life, jobs, pleasure, sex, health, and liquor. Prov. 8:19; Prov. 2:12; Prov. 17:17; Prov. 26:15-26; Prov. 21:17; Prov. 6:32; Prov. 3:8; Prov. 23:29-30.

""My fruit is better than gold, even pure gold, And my yield better than choicest silver." (Proverbs 8:19, NASB)

"To deliver you from the way of evil, From the man who speaks perverse things;" (Proverbs 2:12, NASB)

"A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity." (Proverbs 17:17, NASB)

"He who loves pleasure will become a poor man; He who loves wine and oil will not become rich." (Proverbs 21:17, NASB)

"The one who commits adultery with a woman is lacking sense; He who would destroy himself does it." (Proverbs 6:32, NASB)

"It will be healing to your body And refreshment to your bones." (Proverbs 3:8, NASB)

"Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has contentions? Who has complaining? Who has wounds without cause? Who has redness of eyes? Those who linger long over wine, Those who go to taste mixed wine." (Proverbs 23:29-30, NASB)

The teenage child should be taught the doctrine of authority orientation toward parents, their teachers, their coaches, toward policeman, the military, toward their pastor, toward the Word, and toward God. The teenage child should be taught the doctrine of privacy of others, the rights of others, the property of others, the freedom of others, and the need for respect of others.

Your son and your daughter should understand the four generation curse. The teenager should know this doctrine and that they should always obey their parents and honor them. Exodus 20:5; Prov. 30:11-17; Matt. 15:4; Deut. 21:18-23; Eph. 6:1-4. See category on the Four Generation Curse.

""You shall not worship them or serve them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, on the third and the fourth generations of those who hate Me," (Exodus 20:5, NASB)

""For God said, 'HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER,' and, 'HE WHO SPEAKS EVIL OF FATHER OR MOTHER IS TO BE PUT TO DEATH.'" (Matthew 15:4, NASB)

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER (which is the first commandment with a promise), SO THAT IT MAY BE WELL WITH YOU, AND THAT YOU MAY LIVE LONG ON THE EARTH. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:1-4, NASB)

Home Training for Children

The father teaching his children

A son, for example, may have a woman Sunday School teacher, elementary teacher, or high school teacher. He sees little of his father and his mother does most of the raising at home. Mother and father must have one mind in teaching their children Bible doctrine.

Teaching Content

For preschool ages, teach the essence of God and the Trinity. In kindergarten and first grade, teach salvation and prayer. For second and third grade, teach assurance and confession of sin biblically. Isaiah 28:10-11; 1 John 5:11-12; 1 John 1:9.

""For He says, 'Order on order, order on order, Line on line, line on line, A little here, a little there.'" Indeed, He will speak to this people Through stammering lips and a foreign tongue," (Isaiah 28:10-11, NASB)

"And the testimony is this, that God has given us eternal life, and this life is in His Son. He who has the Son has the life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have the life." (1 John 5:11-12, NASB)

"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9, NASB)

Teach and then review what you have taught and then teach a little more. Regarding sin, list them - mental attitude sins, verbal sins, overt sins. Teach the filling of the Holy Spirit, divine discipline, privacy of personal property, respect for parent’s privacy, and not barging into a bedroom without knocking and asking permission to enter first. Teach volition and prayer where you address God the Father in Jesus’ name and in the power of the Holy Spirit. Teach them to confess sin, if necessary and have mental attitude thanksgiving.

For fourth grade, teach dispensations using Isaac, Jacob, and Joseph, teach the Faith-rest life, divine guidance, occupation with Christ, and living in the Word.

For fifth and sixth grades, teach Joshua that emphasizes divine viewpoint vs. human viewpoint. Study the name of Christ in Scripture, the seven baptisms, the seven deaths, the six trials of Jesus, and volition.